A Toronto Transformation

Today’s Unsolicited Beauty tip: Short Hair Isn’t Sexy

fishtail braid

“I mean, figure skating isn’t a real sport. It’s athletic and beautiful, but it’s not a sport”

The words sliced through the lunchtime din from across the restaurant and made me look up from my own conversation as they emanated loudly from  the lanky fiftyish grey-bearded, gentleman leaning back against the wall at a table ten feet away.

“Great to hear your thoughts on the matter,” I muttered inwardly, rolling my eyes outwardly.

I tried to concentrate on my meal and my own conversation, but couldn’t help but hear where this guy’s broadcast went next: from skating to skaters.

“…I mean, from the neck down, she’s great. She’s got the whole package. But I’m sorry, you’re never going to attract me with a boy’s haircut. Short hair on a woman just isn’t sexy.”

His friend nodded in agreement.

Never have I had a stronger urge to walk over to someone, chop off my long locks and sprinkle them all over their lunch. My dining companion felt the same.

Yes, these were just two arrogant, misogynistic jackasses, maybe not even worth writing about.


The fact that the loud jackass felt secure and comfortable spouting off in public about what he thinks women should look like was just a reminder to me of some things I sadly know all too well already, because these ideas are reinforced in more or less subtle ways every day in our culture, ensuring that this breed of jackass never need feel alone in his misogyny.

The idea that a woman could have the whole package WITHOUT HAVING A HEAD was a pretty clear indication of what this guy thinks a woman is for. Who needs a brain or even a face really, as long as you’ve got a tight bod for the hetero men-folk to ogle, right, ladies?

The “boy’s haircut” comment was typical of someone living in a society still far too caught up in restrictive and damaging gender roles and stereotypes.

And finally, the man assuming that women cut and style their hair with the primary objective of attracting men, never considering that long flowing locks might not actually be the most practical thing to cultivate as a professional athlete, or that hey, some of us don’t have the time, energy or inclination to take care of a long mane BECAUSE WE HAVE OTHER STUFF GOING ON, JUST LIKE MEN DO made me want to take an angry nap, because that kind of arrogant ignorance just exhausts me.

And so, I resisted the urge to start an all out brawl in the restaurant, because this guy clearly wasn’t about to transform into an enlightened being in the ten minutes I had left to finish my food, and frankly, I just didn’t have the energy to try discuss why his loud comments were offensive and harmful calmly and rationally with him.

So I just glared at him really hard.

Though, now that I think about it, he probably thought I was flirting.

Oh, and the kicker? This expert on how women should wear their hair didn’t even have any.

Do they give out Olympic medals for balding jerks?

Because I think I’ve found a contender.

9 Responses to Today’s Unsolicited Beauty tip: Short Hair Isn’t Sexy

    • metamorphocity says:

      I know! Fortunately I spent the rest of the day surrounded by lovely people, so the rage did subside. 🙂

  • Lilly says:

    Well, he is entitled to his old-fashioned opinions of what he finds sexy in a woman, but only because I believe what we find sexually attractive is based largely on biology. That doesn’t make him less of a caveman, but we have to acknowledge that people prefer different things. I mean, I’ll admit it, I prefer guys with short hair and I generally won’t look twice at a guy with hair longer than mine.

    HOWEVER. It sounds like his delivery was totally obnoxious and disgusting. That he was so self-absorbed he didn’t realize (or maybe he did and didn’t care?) that he was talking so damn loud that he was sharing his opinions with the entire restaurant is maddening. It exacerbates his chauvinistic pig-ness and makes him look like a total jerk.

    And it’s hilarious and awesome that he was bald. Go figure. I would have said really loudly to my meal companion, “BALD GUYS, EVEN WITH HOT BODIES, JUST AREN’T SEXY.”

    • metamorphocity says:

      Oh totally! I definitely have preferences when it comes to who I’m instantly physically attracted to, and that’s completely fine. It was his weird broadcasting of his to everyone in a 30 foot radius and his blatant objectification and criticisms of the body and hair of a woman he’s presumably never met that made me want to dump my soup in his lap, not the fact that he just happens to find himself more often attracted to women with long hair.

      I showed the friend I had lunch with your comment and she said she really wishes we’d said “Oh gross! A bald guy!” really loudly when he finally got up to leave the restaurant.

      Although he probably wouldn’t get what we were trying to teach him.

  • mandy says:

    Ughhhhh these are some of the worst kinds of dudes. Having a hair preference as far as what/who you find attractive is one thing, but the fact that so many men think it’s perfectly OK to say these things makes me ragey. I’ve seen so many beautiful women with short hair, long hair, NO HAIR, that it blows my mind that guys think ALL women should have long hair because it’s more “feminine,” or should keep their hair a certain way if they want to attract a mate. Lots of guys love women with short hair, lots of women love guys with long hair, it doesn’t even make sense to put these things in a box.

    A few years ago I chopped 8 inches off my hair (even then it was still shoulder length) and several guys I worked with had no problem telling me how much they liked it before and preferred it long because it was more feminine or appealing. So weird to me.

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