A Toronto Transformation

What Keeps You Up at Night?

full moon over the CN Tower, Toronto

I’m usually a pretty solid sleeper.

Of course, usually I sleep in my quiet apartment with the reassuring hum of my white noise machine gently roaring in my ear to keep all the misophonia-inducing sounds of the night away.

But still.

With the exception of the occasional interruption from my super active bladder or a terrifying nightmare (side note: do you guys ever wake up with tears on your face from sleep-crying? No? Yeah, me neither…), I can usually count on a good night’s sleep.

Not so, last Thursday night.

I hopped into bed around 10:30, suitably worn out from work, followed by Barreworks, followed by lugging groceries home, I read a little, then turned out the lights, closed my eyes and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I guess the sand man had other plans.

In the whooshing dark, my mind was free to wander, and wander it did, to some very dark places.

Maybe the reason you can’t sleep is because you’re going to die tonight.

Wait, what?

Maybe a piece of the clot in my leg broke off today and is headed for my lungs as I’m thinking this!

I mean, that’s entirely possible. Cue me thinking through an elaborate scenario wherein I call 9-1-1 and drag myself out of my apartment to wait for an ambulance only to die alone on the sidewalk. Relaxing stuff, to be sure.

I wonder what all my exes are doing right now?

Oh good grief.

My parents are going to die one day.


I’m probably going to miss out on having kids from waiting too long to find the right partner.

Oh, thanks for chiming in, biological clock!

Israel-Palestine conflict, Ebola, ISIS, fracking…

Eventually I gave up and went back to reading. But John Irving was no match for my brain’s bizarre determination to focus on problems I have little to no control over.

In the wee hours of the morning I couldn’t stand it anymore and took an advil nighttime, which finally did the trick.

Ideally though, I’d like to find a way to beat insomnia sans drugs.

So what do you guys do when the late-night wakies strike? Do you have tips for turning your brain off and beating insomnia? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

3 Responses to What Keeps You Up at Night?

  • Peggy says:

    Try melatonin. My friends swear on it. But I did crack up when I read “Israel-Palestine conflict, Ebola, ISIS, fracking…” That was quite a wandering of your thoughts. Hope you are doing well. I miss you.

  • Elly says:

    Oh man! Those itty-bitty worst case scenario thoughts are the WORST. And yeah, I’ve woken up with cheeks all wet from tears too. When that happens I almost always wake up with super heavy feelings too, and it takes a while to shake off. I hate it cause you can never remember exactly what it was that kicked off the lingering heavy feelings too. Hope you sleep better tonight, hey 🙂

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