A Toronto Transformation

What Your Internal Monologue Says About You

internalmonologue

“Let’s run you a nice warm bath, Little One,” the voice says after I’ve had a particularly grueling workout.

“Come on, out of bed, honey. I’ll put on the kettle and you can have a nice cup of tea while you wake up,” she coaxes, as I burrow deeper under the covers on a Monday morning.

It occurred to me recently that this might not be totally normal.

Especially when you consider that I live alone.

It’s the same voice that says, “Enough, already,” when I’m having a bad day and hiss a cruel, shallow insult at my reflection, and helps to keep my self-bullying in check.

It’s the voice that told me, “You’re all right,” when I cried in the shower after my fiance left. “Breathe, girl. You’re ok. You’re going to be just fine.”

It’s the voice that called me a super genius last week when I solved a fairly rudimentary math problem at work (maybe a stretch, but I’ll take it).

It’s my voice.

My internal monologue, to be precise. And I’ve recently realized she’s really, really nice.

I’m not sure when or how exactly I developed this habit of half-consciously soothing myself (with pet names, no less!) I wonder if it’s something I developed while living on my own or while living in the country, when my thoughts were often my only company,  but, besides the concern that I could be developing multiple personalities, I think it’s kind of great!

My internal monologue says to me the kind of things that I would say to my friends and often, the things my kindest friends would say to me when I need to hear them.

While it’s no substitute for the wise counsel of people who love me, I think it definitely helps get me through rough days and keeps me smiling on good ones.

I wondered if I was alone in this, but reassuringly, my friend Sam says she too has a sweetheart of an inner voice, who frequently refers to her as “Baby Girl,” as she goes about her day.

So either this is fairly normal, or we both caught the same strain of weirdo disease.

Hopefully it’s contagious.

Do you guys ever pay attention to your internal monologue? What does it tell you?

 

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16 Responses to What Your Internal Monologue Says About You

  • Alaina says:

    My internal monologue tells me that i’m hilarious when I make stupid puns. She’s a little snarky sometimes, but usually remembers to add in a compliment for good measure.
    Also, I feel like my internal monologue is my best friend.

  • I think it’s (sadly) kind of rare to have a positive inner voice. I’ve never consciously thought about what my inner voice says. I know that I have a positive inner voice though, because when I hear other people say negative things about themselves, I’m always shocked because I never think about myself like that.

    Not that I don’t have moments of self doubt, but I am, on the whole, rather nice to myself. It goes to show how much your inner voice shapes the way you view the world, though. Yours sounds very caring 🙂

    • metamorphocity says:

      It’s such a chicken/egg situation. I do think your inner voice shapes the way you view the world, but it’s definitely not impervious to outside factors. That’s why it’s so helpful to cultivate one that’s positive if you can manage it!

  • Mine is problematic–she’s generally pretty positive, but says things like “You know you’re a superhero, right?” and “You don’t need as much rest as other people because you’re built like an ox and you’re a superhero” and “Well, you can get through this, because you’re strong. Like a superhero.” But it’s all very encouraging stuff, but she can be a little pushy, and perhaps a teeny bit superior. But she keeps me from feeling sorry for myself, which can be the most damaging of feelings, and not terribly productive!

    • metamorphocity says:

      Ha! Mine definitely gets into the occasional scuffle with my exhausted body too. I mean, yours isn’t wrong, you obviously are a superhero, but you don’t always have to be!

  • Sam says:

    Love this and not just because I got a shout out! Internal monologues are tricky. Mine is so kind and loving now but 4 years ago, she was awful. I had a really hard time loving myself then and my internal monologue generally repeated negative things I heard from my family in my childhood. It took quite a few years to switch my internal monologue but it can be done! A great first step for me was to become conscious of the negative things I was regularly telling myself. I didn’t even try to change the monologue initially because I found it too difficult but I just started paying attention to what I was saying and how often I was saying it. Once I combined that with physical acts of self-care like a cup of tea or a manicure (which was easier to fake than emotional self-care), I started genuinely liking myself and the monologue slowly changed. I’m still sometimes a little shocked and proud when I make a mistake now and instead of the immediate “You’re so dumb and awful and no one likes you” I now hear “It’s okay baby girl, you did your best and you are so lovely!”.

    • metamorphocity says:

      Aw, I love your inner monologue. Thanks for sharing that great point about not necessarily actively trying to change that kind of negativity at first, but becoming aware of it and making note of how it sounds as a first step.

  • Kate says:

    I wish I had your internal monologue! Mine is super abrupt and rational… which is really good of her but still, sometimes I could do with some pet names and sugar coating to soften the blow!

    • metamorphocity says:

      You should try answering her abruptness with pet names and see if she eventually gets the hint!

  • MARTIN says:

    I tend to respond better to insults than to compliments so my inner monologue often refers to me as “dickhead” or “idiot” or other such derogatory terms. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, it’d freak me out if I was suddenly nice to myself.

    • metamorphocity says:

      Ha! I hope your external monologue is nicer, at least! I imagine that could really hamper your ability to go on job interviews, or dates, or visit grandparents. “Hey grandma, you idiot, how’s your hip?”

  • I had the cruelist voice in my head only a couple of years ago. She used to say I was worthless. But now try my best to over-ride that voice with a best friend voice like yours. And on particularly rough days I repeat ‘you are safe, you are loved’ as I go off to sleep. And it helps! I’m coming to see that inner monologue might be the key to success and happiness for me xoxo

    • metamorphocity says:

      “You are safe, you are loved” what an excellent, soothing mantra! Good for you finding a way to overcome that negative voice lurking in your mind.

  • Andrea Lui says:

    I just found your blog via kate’s tweet about this post and I love it! Honestly I have actually never paid much attention to my inner voice until lately and that’s because my boyfriend wanted to take some time off. So my inner has been going at war for a month now driving me awol, sometimes telling me that we will reconcile when the time comes, and sometimes she says that I will be just fine and will find someone just as good if not better. Maybe I should give her a pet name!

    • metamorphocity says:

      You should! I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a rough state of limbo. I think what my inner voice would have to say about that would be to forget about what your boyfriend wants and take advantage of your time apart to decide whether you want to be with someone who isn’t totally sure he’s ready to be with your lovely self. (My inner voice gives a lot of unsolicited advice. haha.). Thanks so much for checking out the blog and I hope everything works out!

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