A Toronto Transformation

How Honest Should You be in a Relationship?

While I was having lunch with Emma recently, she got a text from a friend asking if he should tell the woman he had been dating for a few weeks that she was a horrible kisser.

Our verdict was a unanimous and emphatic “Hell no!”

“I mean, surely something can be done without telling her outright,” I mused. “Can you imagine how traumatic it would be to have someone tell you that you’re a terrible kisser? Maybe the next time it happens he can just make some gentle adjustments with her face in his hands, or, I don’t know, move his head back and chuckle a bit and say “Whoa, your tongue went a bit crazy there for a minute, and then go right back to kissing her and hope she takes the hint?”

While I’m normally all for direct, open verbal communication and honesty in relationships, I just couldn’t see how a conversation that included telling someone you were attracted to that you don’t enjoy kissing them could be anything but brutal and hurtful.

At least I don’t know that it could for me. Maybe some of you are made of sterner stuff but I prefer a gentler approach, at least for that particular kind of subject matter.

It got me thinking about the interactive documentary “The And,” a fascinating sort of choose-your-adventure film/website featuring a variety of couples sitting across from each other and attempting to answer questions about their partner and relationship honestly.

Some of the questions are fairly sweet and easy, like “What was your first impression of me?” but many of them made the participants (and me watching) visibly squirm. Questions like, “talk about a time when I dissapointed you” or “What would you do if I cheated on you?”

As difficult as some of those questions seemed, I’d be interested to know, and would venture to guess that being that intensely honest with each other for the film can only have made it easier for the couples involved to be more honest and communicative with each other on a day-to-day basis.

So, watch out, future partner, I’ve got some questions (and answers!) for you.

Just for Pete’s sake don’t tell me if you think I’m a terrible kisser.

And a question for you guys, just how important is honesty in a relationship? Is there ever room for a little white lie?

6 Responses to How Honest Should You be in a Relationship?

  • Peter DeWolf says:

    That is fascinating.

    And uncomfortable.

    But… fun?

    I believe in being completely honest. But not hurt-y honest.

    Talking about the big things is important. If you were honest about every little thing you don’t like, you’d end up being single for a loooong time.

    • metamorphocity says:

      Haha. So I should stop telling prospective partners that I hate their haircuts and think their friends are stupid? Interesting.

  • Mikael says:

    I’m an all for honesty person, but yeah, if someone is a terrible kisser, I’m with you. I vote you train them not to be by telling them what you DO like (encourage good behavior!) if there’s any. If not… well, pull away and try doing things that you like to them. Telling them they suck would be very bad move.

    • metamorphocity says:

      I completely agree. I definitely get that sexual compatibility is important but there has to be a gentler approach to that kind of thing. I also wonder in this case if the woman in question thought the guy was a terrible kisser too, you know? Maybe someone else would love her style of kissing!

    • metamorphocity says:

      Click on the link in the sixth paragraph! Once you answer the questions and it shows you your custom one, you can click through to the gallery and watch the rest of the clips.

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