A Toronto Transformation

First Date

For many people (many people in long-term, monogamous relationships and/or crazy people), the thought of a first date brings up a fond nostalgia . Images of hope, anticipatory butterflies and infinite possibility float around in their heads.

I have a theory that this is caused by the same kind of magical cloud of forgetfulness that allows women to be convinced to bear more than one child, because when I’m staring down the barrel of yet another first date, the only thing floating around my head is a vague sense of nausea.

Since entering the realms of the (allegedly) available, I’ve been lucky enough to have some perfectly lovely gentleman offer to feed and/or entertain me for an evening.

In theory? Love it.

However, While I’m crazily optimistic about pretty much every other aspect of life, my attitude towards dating of late has been somewhat, well, the exact opposite.

I don’t know how I can possibly be this jaded so early on in my single lady career.

For example, while preparing for a first date with a perfectly nice, funny and handsome guy, my question  to my BFF was not “Ohmigod do you think he’ll like me? What should I wear? IMSOEXCITED!!!”

Instead, our consultation went a little something like this:

“Is it rude to wear sweatpants on a date?”

“Oh yeah! You have that date tonight!”

“I want to stay home and eat cookies.”

“ Where are you going?”

“Some Comedy Club. I’m not optimistic. Also, my eye is twitching. And I kind of forget what this guy looks like.”

As it turned out, BFF was actually at the club I was headed to (we have a bizarre habit of attending each-other’s dates – mostly by accident) and the (cuter than I remembered) gentleman in question actually bought me a delicious cookie while on the date, so my night picked up considerably.

Still, even with some decent experiences, the thought of a first date just leaves me somewhere between mild irritation and utter exhaustion these days and I’m at a loss as to how to change that.

Am I just not dating the right people? Should I just not be dating at all?

Or, and I’m kind of leaning towards this option, should I just start wearing cookie-crumb sweatpants and being slightly ornery on my dates?

7 Responses to First Date

  • kimbamcg says:

    Honestly, the thought of ever splitting up with my husband and doing the first date thing again gives me hives. I never really did the dating thing, just had a bunch of random one night stands and hook ups, culminating in moving in with one of them.

    I think the fact that he bought you a cookie definitely is deserving of a second date. Wear your sweat pants. If he can’t handle the awesomeness then no third date.

    On an entirely different note, did you know that awesomeness doesn’t come up with a little squiggly red line underneath it? I had no idea that it may actually be a real word. Suddenly I feel like I have been incredibly ignorant for many years.

  • Ti says:

    Bwa ha ha. Well, my non therapy-trained self sees two possible scenarios.
    1) You aren’t ready. (Though, I don’t know this is it. Unless you start turning men away for lame reasons, a la Chandler Bing.)
    2) First dates are a lot of work. It is part interview, without coming across as an interview. It takes prep work (not wearing those sweat pants). And once you do the basic prep of getting primped and being interested in them, you feel the need to be interesting yourself… which then leaves first dates not always true to the person’s personality. And… who wants to put all that effort into something that may not go anywhere?

  • Molly says:

    I think it’s completely normal to want to stay home! 🙂 Or I guess I should say that’s how I felt when I was single. The dates ended up usually being fun (or good stories) but I agree with how draining the whole process can be. I think as long as you still go, it’s okay to admit you’d rather stay home 🙂

  • Christina says:

    Yeah, first dates can be exhausting… because you never know if it will be worth it until after that first date… or second date… or third date. It can be a few dates (with one person, or a few) of getting dressed up and hoping it won’t be terrible while you could be at home comfortable lying around in your sweatpants. I think those feelings come and go, though… especially being newly single. I’ve personally taken a lot of time, on and off, to put off first dates and stay home.

  • I love your blog! So happy you commented on the discussion so I could discover you! I am recently single – the man I was building my future around up and left me for no good reason. I am back in the dating scene and I am hating the first dates! Don’t get me wrong – some of them turn out pretty good (sounds like yours ended up pretty well…who doesn’t like cookies?!) but there are plenty of terrible ones that make you believe wearing sweatpants and possibly staying home eating cookies are more productive options than looking nice and actually going on the date. Good luck to you! I look forward to more posts!

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