Dealing with Rejection
Once upon a time, I had a friend who was stewing over a young man she was dating and wondering if he was ever going to call her again after a sudden and drastic decline in the enthusiastic communication she’d been receiving from him until that point.
I told her that if she didn’t hear from him she, being smart, hilarious and gorgeous, should naturally assume that he had either fallen down a terribly deep hole or suffered an injury that caused memory loss or had all of his fingers burned off and can no longer use a phone or computer.
I said she should banish him to the Isle of Men we Forget About.
I told her this in part because that unless you have some serious personality defects, trying to puzzle out why someone might not want to see or speak to you again is a particularly futile form of self-torture.
Since then I have unfortunately had occasion to banish a couple of fellas to that barren and boring isle myself. I like to picture them all there together, weeping and shivering around a bonfire by night and trying unsuccessfully to build rafts from the debris that washes up on their less-than-idyllic island home in an effort to sail back to me by day.
The nice thing about romantic rejections is that unlike professional rejections, often the reason you’re being rejected has nothing to do with you or your skill set or talents at all.
So much of romantic relationships just comes down to timing and chemistry.
I know this to be true not only because I think I’m a pretty awesome person to date, yet still have faced rejection, but also because I’ve had to reject perfectly cool, fun, nice guys based on something as frustratingly intangible as a nagging feeling that something was missing, though I’d have been hard-pressed to pinpoint exactly what that something was.
It’s freeing in a way, to know that there’s not much you can do beyond being kind, being yourself, and of course leaving your house once in a while to find someone who might like to spend significant amounts of time kissing and getting to know you.
One thing I have learned from rejections big and small, is if someone tells you they aren’t interested, aren’t ready, aren’t sure of the wonderful, dynamic and gorgeous creature you are, either with their words or actions, for pity’s sake, believe them.
Don’t try to change their mind or convince them of your worth, no matter how great you might think they are. Odds are it won’t work, and, if by some miracle it does, well, as I’ve said before:
What I’ve learned from rejection is that you should be with someone who is thrilled to bits to be with you.
Because you, my friend, are goddamn fabulous.